I remain fascinated by the moon. I love how the phases represent life on Earth. I had no idea that later on in life, the moon would represent so many chapters of my life. The moon changes phases but, in essence, stays the same. This has happened in my life as well.
On the date of my birth, the moon was a waning gibbous, which represents a phase of rebirth, ironically. I was the first boy and only child in my family. My mom had always dreamed of being a mother. She had me after both my parents struggled with fertility. After I was born, my mom had my two brothers and sister. I grew up always knowing I was different from other boys my age. I loved dolls, dressing in my mom's clothes and being the mom in the house. I got bullied for these things. People looked at me and thought, "Why would a boy like girls' stuff?" I never knew what made me different, I always felt like I was a half-moon. This changed when I realized that I was a girl. Finally, I was a full moon.
My life was good after I came out. We moved out of our small town where I remained hated for being who I was. My family and I lost many people close to us on my journey. I finally lived in a town where nobody knew my past and did not worry about it. I was accepted in a community where there were other transgender youth. I had a big group of friends in my new elementary school where all the girls supported me.
I never knew what this feeling was – I had never had this feeling before, the feeling of acceptance. To this day everyone who supported me is still by my side, and all the people who weren't have moved on without a problem. They made the decision to stay in old phases, but I'm moving on. It's my life, and I have no problem being who I am. I am me and that is enough.
A lot of people wish they could change their past. The moon keeps going through more phases, leaving the old ones behind. Our life history is important, so don’t go back to a phase where you think your life would need to change. I would never want to go back and be born a girl even though often I wish I was so I could experience more. I would never have been able to face all the challenges I have. Never attempt to jump back to a phase to change who you are. Move on, and live in the new, present phase.
This I Believe Illinois is NPR Illinois' annual essay program for Illinois high school seniors. An expression of where their minds are as they prepare to enter the adult world. This I Believe was started by radio journalist Edward R. Murrow in 1951 to allow anyone able to distil the guiding principles by which they lived. Special thank you to our sponsors: The Rotary Club of Springfield Sunrise, Illinois Principals Association, Illinois Times, Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum, University of Illinois Springfield, and Cured Catering.
