I believe in those bright green eyes peering through the window, floating through the darkness of summer nights. I believe in walking barefoot through dirt, searching under the roof, by the wood pile, for her little black ears, her sleeping form. Walking outside in the summer heat, the pouring rain, the freezing snow; I know I will find her, lounging or hiding, curled up or stretched out. She is a constant, ready to provide whatever support I need, even as a cat.
Four years ago, I saw a flash of fur out of the corner of my eye. As a middle school girl, my curiosity piqued. With each step closer, the cat seemed to move two, three steps ahead. As the day progressed, I finally managed to reach her. With the first touch, all her fear melted away. Though she lives outside and has the whole neighborhood to roam, ever since then, she stays around my house. She spends her days lounging in the shade of the roof or staring into the windows. She perches herself on railings at perfect height to make eye contact with me. The moment my gaze meets her, her pink mouth opens meowing, as if calling me outside.
During the night, she sits atop that railing and watches TV through the window, as if participating with the family. When the door is cracked, she immediately thrusts her paw through, preventing the door from closing. She loves being held and pet. She became Felicks by her instance of licking us. Once taken into my arms, she immediately purrs and looks up at me.
She views me as me, with nothing tainting her view. Though it seems silly feeling understood by a cat, I feel as though she sees me without any distortion. She does not see my appearance, my abilities that could be used, she simply sees my gentle nature and my compassion. She sees genuine aspects of my character many humans are too distracted to see.
Though Felicks hovers around the house, on occasion she will decide to roam. She comes and goes, leaving to hunt, leaving to find new places, or leaving because she wants space. This fact taught me the value of letting loved ones be free. While having her around at every moment may seem attractive, knowing each moment even though she is free, she chooses to come around, is even more rewarding.
I carry this fact with me through all relationships, letting those I love have their own space, their own lives. When our lives intersect, it happens because both value the other. It is because they genuinely love being around one another, making each meeting valuable quality time spent together, updating each other on life.
I believe that true connection comes not from chains binding one to another, but desire to support and love one another. With the freedom to leave, comes the choice to stay. Within that choice lies the most genuine form of connection. This I Believe.
This I Believe Illinois is NPR Illinois' annual essay program for Illinois high school seniors. An expression of where their minds are as they prepare to enter the adult world. This I Believe was started by radio journalist Edward R. Murrow in 1951 to allow anyone able to distil the guiding principles by which they lived. Special thank you to our sponsors: The Rotary Club of Springfield Sunrise, Illinois Principals Association, Illinois Times, Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum, University of Illinois Springfield, and Cured Catering.