PETER SAGAL, HOST:
In just a minute, Bill is both thirsty and hungry, and what he eats will terrify you in the Listener Limerick Challenge game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME from NPR.
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Negin Farsad, Tom Bodett and Maeve Higgins. And here again is your host who bet you can't say his name three times fast. It's Peter Sagal, Peter Sagal, Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill reveals who's headlining this year's rhymes-a-palooza limerick festival (ph). If you'd like to get in on the fun, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Tom, this week, fans of the Zibo Cuju soccer team in China were introduced to the team's new star player. He can't pass. He can't shoot. He can't defend. But he is what?
TOM BODETT: He is beautiful.
SAGAL: No, he's not.
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: Can I get a hint?
SAGAL: It's sort of a Don Jr. situation.
BODETT: His dad is, like, the team owner.
SAGAL: Yes, he is the son of the team owner...
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SAGAL: ...Which is why he is on the team. Millionaire He Shihua bought the struggling Second Division team for two reasons. First, he wanted to own a soccer team. And secondly, he really needed a babysitter for Friday night, and no one else was available.
MAEVE HIGGINS: (Laughter).
SAGAL: He purchased the team recently. And he immediately made a series of demands, including that his son be in the starting 11 players each week and that he be allowed to play the entire length of the match. He says that the decisions have nothing to do with favoritism. And he's just trying to do what's best for the team, which, so far this season, have lost every game and have only scored one goal.
(LAUGHTER)
HIGGINS: I would hate so much if my dad, like, co-opted me into his...
SAGAL: Schemes of glory.
HIGGINS: ...Company, which is, like, a construction company.
(LAUGHTER)
HIGGINS: And suddenly, he was like, you know, OK, everyone. You need to take this new carpenter on, and then I show up.
(LAUGHTER)
NEGIN FARSAD: But why doesn't he want his son to be a doctor or an engineer, like a normal parent?
KURTIS: (Laughter).
HIGGINS: Imagine if he bought his way into his son being a doctor. That would be such a disaster.
FARSAD: (Laughter).
BODETT: Yeah, better he...
HIGGINS: Like imagine...
BODETT: ...Plays soccer. You're right. You're right.
HIGGINS: Your surgeon (laughter).
SAGAL: Maeve, Goodwill stores have a request. They would like people to please stop donating what?
HIGGINS: Oh, I think people have probably been donating masks...
SAGAL: No.
HIGGINS: ...Because they don't want the - oh. Can I get a clue?
SAGAL: Goodwill does not - if you go into a Goodwill store and you look around the sections, they do not have a headless Barbie doll, an orange rinds section, for example.
HIGGINS: Oh, Christmas presents from the 1950s.
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: How did you grow up?
(LAUGHTER)
HIGGINS: No, but I feel like that's what, you know, people who grew up in the 1950s - they always go on about, like, we just got an orange for Christmas. Is that a point?
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
HIGGINS: I think it's - we understand, you know, fully don't give your old rubbish to Goodwill.
SAGAL: Yes, your garbage, your trash - you got it.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Goodwill stores are more than happy to give your unneeded clothes and household items a new home. But lately, they've been getting more and more things like broken furniture and leaky batteries. This may surprise you. People do not want your leaky batteries.
FARSAD: I am surprised by that.
SAGAL: Yes. One Goodwill director offered this guideline. And this is a real quote. "If you wouldn't give it to your judgy mother-in-law..."
FARSAD: Ooh.
SAGAL: ...Then don't donate it," end quote.
BODETT: I had the opposite experience, where I took a big bag of our stuff, which we do about once a year, down to our local thrift store. And they said, oh, good. You always bring such great stuff. And it was, like, meant to be a compliment. And then I left thinking, God, are we really, like, wasteful? And now I don't want to go back there anymore because, like, I just want to take really crappy stuff, too, to show them that, no, we actually wear things out.
SAGAL: Well, wait a minute. What would be worse - going down to the Goodwill or the thrift store and them saying, Oh, Tom, it's great to see you, we always love to see you, or them saying, oh, God, you again?
(LAUGHTER)
BODETT: Yeah. No, you're right. I'll take A. I'll take A.
SAGAL: I'm just saying, could be worse.
BODETT: Yeah, you're right. You're right.
(SOUNDBITE OF SNOOP DOGG SONG, "DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT")
SAGAL: And now it's time for another installment of our game...
KURTIS: What is Martha Stewart Up To?
(SOUNDBITE OF SNOOP DOGG SONG, "DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT")
SAGAL: Tom, what is Martha Stewart up to this week? Is it, A, suing her neighbors for playing their music too quietly or, B, getting into a fight with The New York Post over how many peacocks she owns?
BODETT: B.
KURTIS: B - yes, you're right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Martha Stewart was incensed - incensed, I tell you - when The New York Post said she owns 16 peacocks. I mean, that's a reasonable thing to get upset about. It makes you sound like she's some sort of crazy, peacock-loving recluse. She actually has 21 peacocks.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The Post ran a profile of the author of a new book about owning peacocks and including this tangential fact that, oh, by the way, Martha Stewart owns 16 peacocks. She read this. She took to Twitter. She accused them of promulgating fake news. She said, quote, "they say I have 16 peacocks. I actually have 21 of these glorious birds, whose house is impeccable. They do not smell. They are so clean," unquote. It is worth clarifying that The Post did not accuse her of having dirty peacocks.
(LAUGHTER)
HIGGINS: Sounds like a peacock got her phone.
SAGAL: And that's the end of this round of...
(SOUNDBITE OF SNOOP DOGG SONG, "DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT")
KURTIS: What Is Martha Stewart Up To?
(SOUNDBITE OF SNOOP DOGG SONG, "DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT") Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.