Film At 11

Jan 29, 2021

Ophira and Jonathan pretend to be news anchors reporting on bizarre scenarios based on movie plots while comedians Cameron Esposito (Queery podcast) and Beth Stelling (Girl Daddy on HBO Max) try to guess the film.

Heard on Ken Jeong: Mask Me Another

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Our next two friend-testants (ph) are both stand-up comedians. Cameron Esposito hosts the podcast "Queery," and Beth Stelling's special "Girl Daddy" is on HBOMax right now. Welcome to ASK ME ANOTHER. Hello.

BETH STELLING: Hey.

CAMERON ESPOSITO: Hi.

STELLING: Good morning.

EISENBERG: Hi.

JONATHAN COULTON, BYLINE: Hi.

EISENBERG: How's it going, Beth?

STELLING: I got in a - I fell off my bike really hard yesterday, and it hurts to breathe.

COULTON: (Laughter) No.

EISENBERG: Are you serious?

COULTON: Really?

EISENBERG: What happened? What happened?

STELLING: You can't really see. I just think it's going to be a huge goose egg. I iced it all last night.

COULTON: Oh, that's terrible.

STELLING: I hit so hard.

ESPOSITO: With your noggin?

STELLING: I hit, like, my shoulder. But I just remember, like, (making crashing sound). And then I don't really remember the issue. Anyway, that's...

COULTON: Did you hit something, or did you just...

STELLING: I think it was, like, going up a curb. Anyway...

EISENBERG: This sounds terrifying.

STELLING: It was bad.

EISENBERG: Do you want to maybe get a doctor?

COULTON: (Laughter).

STELLING: No. No, Cameron's my doctor.

EISENBERG: (Laughter). OK, good.

ESPOSITO: I've been listening, and I don't feel worried.

EISENBERG: Yeah. You're OK.

COULTON: Yeah, it seems fine.

ESPOSITO: (Unintelligible) fine. Yeah, right?

COULTON: You know what's going to make you feel a lot better - is playing some trivia games on an NPR show.

STELLING: I think you're right.

ESPOSITO: Let's do it.

STELLING: I would love to.

ESPOSITO: Let's heal Beth.

STELLING: Yeah. This show is going to heal me.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) So are you guys ready for a couple trivia games?

STELLING: Yes.

EISENBERG: Jonathan and I will pretend to be news anchors reporting on bizarre scenarios from movies as if they were actual news events.

ESPOSITO: Yup.

EISENBERG: You just have to guess the name of the movie.

STELLING: OK.

EISENBERG: OK?

STELLING: I'm ready.

EISENBERG: All right. Here we go. Cameron, I'm going to start with you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: A day that began with optimism and whimsy took a tragic turn, with four out of five children leaving a candy manufacturing tour maimed, traumatized or covered in chocolate. One golden ticket winner told us she had to be turned into a giant blueberry. Sources familiar with the story said she had to be juiced by factory's orange, singing employees.

ESPOSITO: Yeah. I think you're speaking of "Charlie And The Chocolate Factory," the prequel to "Charlie And The Great Glass Elevator," as it's best known.

STELLING: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: Yes. I have never watched any of these because I began watching, I guess, the original when I was a child. I found it too scary.

STELLING: It was scary.

EISENBERG: And I couldn't handle it.

STELLING: The ride in the dark was terrifying.

EISENBERG: Right? And then I thought I'd revisit it, like, last year, I think. And within five minutes, I was like, no. This is exactly - it's exactly as I remembered.

STELLING: It would be like if the first thing you showed your kids of your hero Robin Williams was that - "One Hour Photo." Do you know what I mean, like...

ESPOSITO: "One Hour Photo" is - yeah.

STELLING: It's like Gene - what's his name? - is supposed to be, like, the most...

ESPOSITO: Gene Wilder.

STELLING: ...Iconic comedian of his time. And then he's like, (singing) welcome to a world...

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: It's so frightening.

ESPOSITO: (Laughter).

STELLING: Yeah.

COULTON: All right. Beth, this one is for you.

STELLING: Ready.

(SOUNDBITE OF WIND BLOWING)

COULTON: At the highest levels of the monarchy, there appears to be no path to compromise on the issue of eternal winter. Still, Princess Anna spoke on the record saying she hoped the queen would learn to, quote, "let it go."

STELLING: Adele Dazeem, starring in "Frozen."

COULTON: Correct.

EISENBERG: Yes, sad, sad tale - sad tale. Also my child - I have a 5-year-old - he watched the first four minutes of that, which are frightening, by the way. And he said, no. I don't like this.

COULTON: He said, no, thank you.

STELLING: Wait. They are or they aren't frightening?

COULTON: Well, parents get lost at sea. Is that what happens?

ESPOSITO: Oh, yeah. OK.

EISENBERG: It's - the setup is - it's terrifying.

STELLING: You're right. I mean, a lot of these Disney things are basically like, but and then what if your parents were gone and never came back? You'd only have us, Disney.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: All right, Cameron.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: The nation let out a collective sigh of relief today as astronaut Dr. Ryan Stone safely returned to Earth after a harrowing accident during maintenance of the Hubble Space Telescope. A NASA spokesperson described her journey as, quote, "seemingly impossible from a scientific perspective."

ESPOSITO: I believe we're talking about "Gravity," prequel to "The Martian."

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: That's correct. Yeah, exactly. Right - where we find out that space underwear is boy shorts. That's what I took away from the entire movie.

STELLING: I was with...

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

STELLING: Here's the thing. I was with it the whole time. And I'm not against seeing Sandra in underwear. But I was like, really, guys? You're just sitting - you're like, here's a great movie. Are you guys bored (vocalizing)?

(LAUGHTER)

STELLING: You know, like, it's just, like...

COULTON: Wait. I don't remember. Why did she have to...

STELLING: It was no reason for it.

ESPOSITO: Oh, this is - it's really important to acknowledge here the cinematic history behind putting a woman in her underwear in space at a time that it is not helpful or necessary to the story.

STELLING: (Laughter).

ESPOSITO: Perhaps the root of that entire cinematic trope is the end of the movie "Alien"...

COULTON: Yes.

ESPOSITO: ...Where Sigourney Weaver's about to go in the pod and take a long snooze but then gets down to what are the closest underwear to a thong that you could wear besides...

COULTON: Very small underwear.

ESPOSITO: ...It being a thong and a crop top. And then that's when the alien comes back. And so for some reason, before it's shoved out the airlock, she's fighting it in her all-the-way nudies.

STELLING: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: I think there's, like, some famous Carrie Fisher conversation of when she first got cast as Princess Leia in "Star Wars" that she was told that in space, there are no bras.

STELLING: Oh, sure.

(LAUGHTER)

STELLING: Right, because...

ESPOSITO: But then she wears that...

STELLING: ...There's no gravity. So...

EISENBERG: That's next movie.

COULTON: All right, Beth. Here's a question for you. Or rather, here's a fake newscast for you.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: New information today on the monsters terrorizing the planet. Reports indicate that they are blind with incredibly sensitive hearing. In fact, it is probably not a good idea for me to be loudly reading this report. And I should switch to print journalism. Oh, looks like someone's here. (Screaming).

STELLING: Oh, my gosh. I think I've seen this movie - Olivia or something wild - no, hold on. It's the guy.

ESPOSITO: You're on the way. You're on the way. You're on the way.

STELLING: There's a house.

ESPOSITO: I get where you're going, and you're on the way.

STELLING: OK, thank you.

COULTON: There's a house.

STELLING: There's a house. And it's supposed to be quiet. Don't move a muscle, the quiet house, the silent home.

COULTON: (Laughter).

STELLING: It's a cabin.

EISENBERG: So close - you're circling.

STELLING: The whole cabin's quiet.

COULTON: The whole cabin's quiet.

STELLING: It's called "Silent Night."

COULTON: Nope - "Silent Night" - these are all great names.

EISENBERG: They're all perfect.

STELLING: OK, hold on, hold on. OK, "The Quiet Place."

COULTON: Yes, "A Quiet Place" - that is correct.

STELLING: The "A Quiet Place."

COULTON: Wow. That was - you were churning there. And you got there - very impressive.

STELLING: I don't like scary movies.

COULTON: Yeah. Yeah.

ESPOSITO: I am scared of horror movies, but I am curious and fascinated by them. So I have a method, which is watch the movie on a plane early in the morning with the sound off, listening to something else.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: And you actually find - you derive some pleasure out of watching it to get a...

ESPOSITO: Well, at least I can participate in the zeitgeist.

COULTON: Right.

STELLING: One thing that I do know - one thing I do - or I guess a tip like Cameron's is - after "Get Out," for example, I used to look up everyone's headshot. Like, they're just a human. You know what I mean?

EISENBERG: Right.

STELLING: So I just look at their headshot where they're, like, in, like, a boatneck tee, like...

(LAUGHTER)

STELLING: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Fantastic - you guys did great.

STELLING: Thank you. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.