One night in mid-February, I sat in a church parking lot alone, with a black smudged cross on my forehead. The Ash Wednesday service wrapped up about 30 minutes prior and everyone had left. I thought about the sermon and how the pastor had given everyone a piece of broken stained glass. Although the meaning behind the broken glass was to stay true to your sacrifice during Lent, I saw the blue rigid glass resting in my cold palm as so much more.
To me, stained glass is one of the most beautiful forms of art. The thing that I love about stained glass is that it's stained. Color is actually molted into the glass when it's being created. Kinda like how my life experiences and versions of myself molted me to be the person I am today. Each piece is carefully cut, crafted and placed to tell a story.
A piece of purple glass to represent the heartbroken 11-year-old girl who had just lost her stepmom. Who did not understand why God takes away good people. Who cried whenever she thought about her two little stepbrothers she had left behind. And who experienced extreme sadness for the first time but didn't really understand what depression was, so she let it be.
A piece of light pink glass to represent the excited girl who felt the freedom of running for the first time. Whose mind would be wiped clean whenever she tied the laces on her running shoes. Whose 80-pound body would take her laps and laps around the track. Without struggle. The little girl who smiled whenever her middle school track coach asked, “Are you in the mood to hop in a 400 or 800?”
A piece of black glass to represent the hurting girl whose body rejected food for the longest time. Who kept quiet. Who still went out to eat with friends but felt nauseous with every single bite. Who pleaded with food to not make her sick. Who wanted to get better, but didn’t know where to start, or who to tell.
As I walk through life experiencing new people and places, I will inevitably change and become a different person. Every different color of stained glass is a piece of me. Although some pieces hold better memories than others. My picture would not be complete without every little piece. I am grateful for my stories and I am grateful for my broken pieces of stained glass. For I know when I am old and wise, I will look back on my life of color and all the pieces will make a beautiful picture. A beautiful me.
This I Believe Illinois is NPR Illinois' annual essay program for Illinois high school seniors. An expression of where their minds are as they prepare to enter the adult world. This I Believe was started by radio journalist Edward R. Murrow in 1951 to allow anyone able to distil the guiding principles by which they lived. Special thank you to our sponsors: The Rotary Club of Springfield Sunrise, Illinois Principals Association, Illinois Times, Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum, University of Illinois Springfield, and Cured Catering .
