When I ask my parents what I was like as a baby, they always provide the same answer: “You were a happy baby, just a little ray of sunshine.”
When I look at my mom’s social media accounts, I see the same thing. My entire life, from the moment I was placed in my mother’s arms, is meticulously documented for the whole world to see. And there I was: A smiling, happy baby girl.
Then, in February of 2023, I went to a psych ward in Indiana. I was at the lowest point of my life. I was killing myself over perfectionism, and I was sent to this hospital to heal the wounds I inflicted upon myself.
Unfortunately, I did not heal. But I learned.
In this mental hospital, we were explicitly told by our caregivers that we were in this place to be punished for our actions. I felt so, so helpless … that I listened. I conformed, and I silently accepted the punishment they made me believe I deserved.
Though even when I was at the lowest point in my life, where my sky was overcast and there was no sun to be seen, there was still something flickering left inside me. The counselors were not helping us heal, and I learned quickly that they weren’t going to.
So, with the only piece of my heart I had left, I gave it to the 21 other teenagers I was with. I was among drug addicts, alcoholics, genuinely violent people – but I broke the rules and I gave them hugs anyway. When the counselors disciplined me and demanded that I stop, I didn’t.
These “juvenile delinquents” I was among, the drug addicts, alcoholics and violent people? They never once said anything to hurt me or others while I was there. Why? They were being loved. They were being hugged, and they were being told that they mattered.
One day, one of my peers approached me and said, “Cora, you’re like a ray of sunshine here. Thank you.”
Hence, I believe in sunshine. No matter what you do or where you go, there will always be sunshine. None of us – even the drug addicts, alcoholics and everyone in-between – are born inherently evil. We’re all people, and we deserve love. We deserve sunshine in our lives.
If you’re ever lost on an overcast day, just look for someone – something, anything – that can help brighten up your day. Sunshine is in no shortage: All you must do is look for it.
