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Raising children? Have to deal with someone else's? Considering a family?Let's talk kids!Claudia Quigg hosts this weekly reflection on best practices, experiences, and research related to child rearing and parenting. Thursdays at 12:50 PM and 7:50 PM

Let's Talk Kids - "A Soft Place to Land"

Claudia Quigg headshot
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During that bumpy journey of growing up, kids need a soft place to land.  The arduous trek through infancy, toddlerhood, childhood and youth is scattered with potholes which threaten to knock us off course and cause us to lose courage.  The dependable concern of a loving adult cushions the hurt and gets us moving again in the right direction.

When children fall down and skin a knee, they need arms to scoop them up and stick on the band aid.  When someone makes fun of them on the playground, they need an adult to reassure them that they’re pretty great after all.  When they fail to pass an exam or make a team, they can use reassurance that things will look better tomorrow.

For many kids, that soft place to land is their home.  These lucky kids carry security with them everywhere they go, knowing home will be waiting, and when they get there, the world will look better.

For some kids, home doesn’t feel so soft.  Parents may face challenges that leave them emotionally unavailable for their kids’ nurture.  Children sense when their parents are overwhelmed, and they’re reluctant to lean too heavily on them.

In these cases, a neighbor, grandparent, uncle, teacher or family friend can fill in the gap, giving kids the support they need to build resilience from their struggles.

Visiting with a young dad recently, I remembered him as a gangly, awkward teenager whose parents faced great turmoil during his adolescence.

He confided in me that, while he knew his parents loved him, he also sensed that their own emotional states limited the level of support they could provide him.  During those difficult times, he could always breathe a sigh of relief when he was able to spend time at his aunt’s house.

This aunt, he said, seemed to hang on his every word, letting him vent about his teenage challenges.  He recalls typically leaving her home each time feeling relaxed and hopeful.  

If we look around us, we may see someone for whom our consistent care would help build resilience and manage challenges.  In ways both great and small, we can all provide a soft place for someone else to land.
 

Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.
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