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Raising children? Have to deal with someone else's? Considering a family?Let's talk kids!Claudia Quigg hosts this weekly reflection on best practices, experiences, and research related to child rearing and parenting. Thursdays at 12:50 PM and 7:50 PM

Let's Talk Kids - "Resonant Parents"

Claudia Quigg headshot
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NPR Illinois | 91.9 UIS

The young mother sat amidst a group of parents and shared the news that her baby had just been diagnosed with a serious medical condition.  It was no surprise that a tear slipped down her cheek as she haltingly spoke these devastating words.

I looked around the group, and saw that almost every person present was tearing up, right alongside her.  The outpouring of concern that followed was natural and powerful. 

While she was visibly shaken, this mom was strengthened by the group’s support.  Their resonance with her experience added to her resources at a time she needed them most.

This quality of resonance is closely tied to the root of the word “re-sound.”  It occurs when the words of one person might have been spoken by another, as in, “You took the words right out of my mouth!”  Resonance implies a connection that ties people together as if by a sound wave from one heart to another.

It goes beyond cognitive understanding and includes an emotional investment in someone else’s experience.  Resonance makes us feel understood but also girded up by the empathy of a friend.

It replaces our worry, fear, and shame with a sense of belonging to the human race.

The work of parenting is exhausting and unending. We agonize over every pebble that may cause a fall on our family’s path.  And then along comes someone who resonates with our experience.  Suddenly, the clouds part to be replaced by the sunny warmth of that fellow-feeling, restoring our hope.  The extension of empathy by another who cares about us—even a little bit—makes a difference.

We each have the opportunity to resonate with those we meet—friends, neighbors, coworkers, strangers in line at the grocery store.  Parents especially need this sort of support for the most important work they do with their own children. 

So, look around.  Maybe a young co-worker, a single parent who sits alone at church, or a member of your very own family needs someone willing to “re-sound”—to stop, make a connection, and care.  The life-giving words you offer may impact that parent more than you will ever know.

Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.
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