A funny story involves an elderly Florida couple. The wife hears a news report that an erratic motorist is driving the wrong way on Interstate 75. She immediately calls her husband who she knows is traveling on that highway. She tells him to be careful because there’s a driver going the wrong way on the interstate. “One driver!” he yells, “Why, there’s HUNDREDS of them!”
Perspective means everything. Especially in families, the way parents see their children—and interpret what they see—determines the reality of that child’s experience.
Here’s an example: A child who struggles in school will be watching for her parent’s reaction to her situation. One parent might observe the struggle, take the view that the daughter is simply not very smart, and begin to view the child with diminished hopes for success. With each academic challenge, the parent’s low opinion of the child’s ability will be confirmed.
Another parent may choose instead to note the very real effort the girl is putting into her school work, and celebrate the fact that she is determined to learn, even if the work is difficult. This parent will notice that the girl is really trying, and will be tickled with her gumption.
The first parent’s perspective may lead the girl to lose hope. But the affirming perspective of the second parent will encourage the child to redouble her efforts, knowing they are noticed and appreciated.
When we have a hard time seeing our kids in a positive way, it may be time to reframe. Taking a step back, we may do well to wonder if our child is really exhibiting a strength that we might have missed.
Best-selling author Toni Morrison says she found success because whenever she walked into a room, her father’s face lit up. He saw the promise in her.
Children see themselves through the lens their parents adopt to look at them. Former first lady Lady Bird Johnson was known to say that “children are likely to live up to what you believe about them.” If we bring a positive perspective to our view of our kids, we may be delighted with what they become.
