For today’s parents, I see the greatest new challenge as the pervasive nature of smart phones.
All of us are susceptible. We react to the bells and whistles like Pavlov’s dogs, reaching for our phones automatically, almost without regard for what is going on around us. We treat them as the most exacting tyrants, demanding our instantaneous attention.
Our devotion to these devices teaches children they must be awfully important. No wonder even babies show interest in these devices, grabbing for them and learning to use them almost before they can talk. We’re giving them clear messages about the high priority of whatever it is we see happening on those small screens.
While the distraction is a problem for us all, it’s especially insidious in the disruption of “serve and return” interactions between parents and children as they speak, look at and touch each other.
In quiet everyday interactions, one party “serves” and the other “returns.” Through thousands of such interactions, children learn communication skills and build relationships.
But consider this scene: a mom pushes a baby in a pram. The baby lies on his back, looking up expectantly at his mom, cooing and kicking his legs to gain her attention.
She looks toward him but focuses instead on her phone set in the handle of the carriage. Imagine the baby’s confusion, as his mom seems to look toward him, but isn’t engaged. He’s serving but she’s not returning.
Occasions which have traditionally made for great interaction are threatened. Car rides and meal times, when parents and children used to have some “captive” time for conversation, often see family members plugged into their own devices.
Parents have to bring discipline to this 24 hour digital access. These devices aren’t going to limit themselves.
One wise parent I know has found a solution. I recently emailed that I would have information she requested in the evening. She wrote back that was fine, but she “unplugs” from 5-9 pm to be available to her son.
Most things we react to immediately are not truly “urgent.” The cost of responding when we’re with our kids may be missing some of the most important moments of our lives.
