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Raising children? Have to deal with someone else's? Considering a family?Let's talk kids!Claudia Quigg hosts this weekly reflection on best practices, experiences, and research related to child rearing and parenting. Thursdays at 12:50 PM and 7:50 PM

Let's Talk Kids: "No Average Children"

Claudia Quigg headshot
mattpenning.com
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NPR Illinois | 91.9 UIS

When their babies are born, most parents are relieved to hear their newborn has 10 fingers and 10 toes and seems to be quite average.  But almost immediately, we begin seeing ways our baby is exceptional.  

Some exceptions mark our babies for positive distinction.  We beam with pride when our baby learns to crawl or walk ahead of his peers. We fix our minds on his physical prowess, engaging him in games of catching balls or running races.

But sometimes our babies’ differences create worry.  Our baby seems slow to sit up alone, preferring to be held most of the time.  While other toddlers explore, she holds back, watching the activity rather than joining in.

These behaviors of our young children are really their way of teaching their parents what they need to thrive.

If he had adequate self-knowledge and could talk, that active toddler might tell his parents, “I need to move!  Don’t hold me back.  And—incidentally—when I go to school, make sure I have lots of opportunity to be active rather than sitting at a desk all day.”

If that more reserved little one could tell her parents, she might say, “I’m so interested in that big world out there, but I need some time to get ready for it.  Please be patient with me. And in the meantime, I will love some quiet activity right here with you.”

Each of our children is really good at something, but sometimes that gift is one we hadn’t thought to value.  Your son may notice when someone’s sad, and move to show compassion. Your daughter may feel responsible for her family, leading them to find solutions for challenges. A friend whose child has special needs says her daughter notices first when their family’s stress is too high, serving like a canary in a mine to warn them all when they need to slow down.

These exceptions may significantly impact the adult life your child will create.  Our work as parents is to recognize our child’s gifts, providing both the nurture and the guardrails to keep him on a path to develop those gifts.  After all, there’s no such thing as an “average” child.  Each one is extraordinary in his or her own way.
 

Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.
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