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Raising children? Have to deal with someone else's? Considering a family?Let's talk kids!Claudia Quigg hosts this weekly reflection on best practices, experiences, and research related to child rearing and parenting. Thursdays at 12:50 PM and 7:50 PM

Let's Talk Kids - "The Family Meeting"

Claudia Quigg headshot
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NPR Illinois | 91.9 UIS

Recently, I heard about a family who’s adopted a weekly family meeting. They celebrate victories and roll up their sleeves for shared challenges.  Even the toddler helps chart the family’s course.

Family meetings hold the promise of less stress, better communication and greater productivity.  They provide for decision making in times of calm rather than in chaos.  And because everyone participates, each family member is more invested in plans that emerge.

In his book The Secrets of Happy Families, Bruce Feiler suggests a twenty-minute weekly family meeting at a time you can pretty dependably keep, involving every family member.

Feiler suggests three questions as an agenda:  What worked well in our family this past week?  What went wrong with our family this past week? And what will we work on this coming week?

Feiler sees these questions as a springboard for celebrating successes, like “No timeouts for anybody this week!”  Reflecting on what went well affirms the positive and contributes to kids’ perception that their family is moving ahead.

Examining what went wrong invites wisdom and perspective apart from the challenge.  We can recall how hard it was when we missed the bus on Thursday because we overslept.  In this time away from the emotions of the moment, real learning happens and hard feelings resolve.

The most interesting discussion may be when parents ask “What will we work on this week?”  Naturally, they’ll have an agenda, but in a family meeting, everyone has the chance to contribute to the plans.  Smart parents promote the democratic process, recognizing that children feel empowered and committed to goals they help establish.

Family meetings create better communication in families, but also teach children important lessons about collaboration with others, about reflecting on their own lives, and about living intentionally toward goals.  Children whose parents hold family meetings will gain confidence about facing challenges and be better problem solvers in classrooms, in board rooms and eventually, their own family rooms.

How could a family meeting work at your house?  See if you can get yourself written in to your four-year-old’s calendar, and give it a try. By the time your toddlers become teenagers, your weekly tuneup might just be the difference between a calm home and a war zone.

Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.
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