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Let's Talk Kids - "Falling in Love Again"

Claudia Quigg headshot
mattpenning.com 2010
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WUIS/Illinois Issues

Your heart skips a beat when you catch a glimpse of that face.  You check your watch every few minutes when you know you’re going to be reunited.  You bore your friends with endless details about what she said or did.  And when you’re tired and tense, a soft word or touch from him is all you need to find peace.

You’re in love, without a doubt.  Whoever thought you could be so over-the-moon over a child?

The emotions and responses parents experience over the years of raising their children are not so dissimilar from what it is to fall in love.  Those feelings of love pay us back for the hard times.  When we’ve been pacing the floor all night with a wailing wee one, the hormones released into our bloodstream when we enjoy a morning cuddle help us to forgive the loss of sleep.  When a toddler defies us with crossed arms and a pouting lip, the soft hug that soon follows restores our affection.

But just as every romantic relationship changes over time, the love between children and their parents grows and changes, too.

It’s a fact that every morning when they awake, children are different people than they were the day before.  Their rapid-fire development causes them to never stay in one place for very long.

So who is this child who will wake up in our house tomorrow morning?  How will he change this time?  How will I figure out what he needs from me in this next phase of development?

This puzzle is complicated by the fact that parents are changing, too. We start a new job, experience a loss, move to a new community, take on a new responsibility. Our ever-changing environment requires us to adapt and learn.
 
Changing children, changing parents—together we figure out how to be a family over time.

Whatever the child’s stage or the parents’ demands, one thing helps along the way.  When our families wake  up changed every morning, we have the history of our relationships to fall back on, including lessons we’ve learned about dealing with each other.

And we get to fall in love, all over again.

Claudia Quigg is the Executive Director of Baby TALK and writes the Let's Talk Kids parenting segment and column that honor the expertise parents have about their own children and explores issues that are universal for families. From toilet training and sibling rivalry to establishing family values, Claudia Quigg provides thoughtful and accessible insights that are meaningful to families' needs.