“The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” This adage has been confirmed by science demonstrating the power of the influence parents have on the development of their children.
Every day I see the truth of this notion, observing children who reflect the training of their parents. Kids of thoughtful parents express their own thoughtfulness in the kindness they display on the playground. The offspring of musicians sing with beautiful voices in a children’s choir.
But here’s a parallel truth: That contribution made by parents may be critical, but there are other influences as well. Internal and external elements that create a human being are exquisitely complex.
Internal elements include in-born temperament as well as a genetic predisposition to personality type and physicality. Introverts and extroverts are born that way and will resist a parent’s efforts to change them. Even mental health issues are now recognized for having some basis in genetics, although not all of those connections are well understood. Our personal biochemistry impacts us in a way that most of us don’t comprehend.
External elements include factors like birth order, family constellation, and major events in the life of a family. A family’s functioning delivers a different experience to each member. A child who experiences serious illness, frequent moves, or the loss of a parent will be impacted in his development. An extraordinary teacher may influence kids for years to come.
And to further complicate matters, some of the same experiences play out with varying results for different kids. One child whose family moves frequently develops extraordinary social skills, enabling him to adjust to new surroundings well. Another disengages, fearful of experiencing loss again.
The human being is impacted by many steps along the way, and the individual life which results is affected by factors too numerous to name. We parents tend to swell with pride when our kids turn out well, and cower in shame when their lives don’t reflect what we think we’re teaching all along the path. But most often our influence was only one factor in the success or failure.
The unlimited diversity of the human experience makes predictions about human development a fool’s errand. But the science is clear that the loving support of a family makes children’s eventual happiness more likely.
