The Goddessette With Julio Torres

Aug 30, 2019

Los Espookys co-creator and star Julio Torres puts his knowledge of "Introductory Level Greek Mythology" to the test in a game casting Greek mythological figures as contestants on The Bachelor.

Heard on Julio Torres: My Favorite Espooky.

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Before the final round, let's play another game with our special guests. Please welcome back from "Los Espookys" and "Saturday Night Live," Julio Torres.

(APPLAUSE)

JULIO TORRES: Thank you.

EISENBERG: So, Julio, before the show, we asked you, what are you into right now?

TORRES: Yeah.

EISENBERG: What are you nerding out on? And you said introductory-level Greek mythology.

(LAUGHTER)

TORRES: Yeah. Allow me to explain.

EISENBERG: Yes, please.

TORRES: I went to Greece recently.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

TORRES: And it's a very pretty place.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

TORRES: And they're not kidding around when they're, like, proud for their heritage. And it's like everything has these, like, grand mythological names. And then I was just like, oh, aren't the gods fun? And then so I replied to the email being like, oh, I'm nerding out about that.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

TORRES: Am I? I don't know. But we'll see.

EISENBERG: OK. We'll find out. So the ancient Greeks had mythology to entertain them. We have the ABC reality show "The Bachelor." So for your game, we imagined what would happen if the characters from Greek mythology appeared on a dating show. So in each clue, Jonathan and I will take on the role of a mythological figure at the most dramatic rose ceremony yet. You just have to guess what character we're pretending to be.

TORRES: OK.

EISENBERG: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Paris, I feel like we made a connection on our one on one when I opened up to you about my history of being cheated on over and over and over again. Athena and Aphrodite are not here for the right reasons. Will you give your golden apple to me, queen of the gods?

TORRES: Hera?

EISENBERG: Yeah, that's right.

TORRES: Wow. She's - I don't like the reputation they give her in Greek mythology. She's always such a nag. And it's like, why do they paint her that way? Like, her thing was wife.

EISENBERG: Wife.

JONATHAN COULTON: (Laughter).

TORRES: Yeah. You know what I mean? It's, like, she didn't get, like, love or the oceans. She got just, like, wife.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

TORRES: I don't know.

EISENBERG: You'd be naggy all the time, too.

TORRES: Justice for Hera.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Here's your next one. Persephone, I was impressed with how well you got along with my three-headed dog Cerberus. Will you take this boat to my hometown in hell?

TORRES: Hades.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

TORRES: Yes.

EISENBERG: Stare at my salt water pecs and my sun-kissed skin. A life with me is a life with the sea. Together we can weather any storm. Please accept this trident and come to my underwater fantasy suite.

TORRES: I'll say two things.

EISENBERG: Yes.

TORRES: It is - it's Poseidon.

EISENBERG: Yes.

TORRES: And also, I am so grateful that these are so easy.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

TORRES: Truly weight off my shoulders.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Here's your next one. You know I'm a Trojan war hero, but now I want to show you my vulnerable side. And it's my heel.

TORRES: And it's my?

COULTON: My heel.

TORRES: My heel. Oh, Achilles. Thank you.

COULTON: Achilles. That's right.

(LAUGHTER)

TORRES: Thank God I asked for a repetition.

(LAUGHTER)

TORRES: It's like 'cause I don't know - it's my heel. Great - Achilles.

COULTON: (Laughter).

EISENBERG: Yeah. That's right.

TORRES: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Perseus, can I steal you for a second?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I feel like the other girls in the house keep calling me a snake. I'm not. My hair is made of snakes. Why won't you make eye contact with me? Is it because you'll turn to stone?

TORRES: First of all, I love this concept.

(LAUGHTER)

TORRES: I - something very - like, a vulnerable Medusa. Yeah.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I feel bad for Medusa.

TORRES: Yeah.

EISENBERG: She didn't have a lot of friends.

TORRES: Yeah.

EISENBERG: Do you think she could sleep on her side or always had to sleep on her back?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Oh, because the snakes would be like, ow.

TORRES: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: She'd have to sleep on her face. She'd have to sleep face down.

EISENBERG: It's very uncomfortable.

TORRES: I know 'cause the snakes would be like, well, we want to relax, too.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Yeah. Right. Exactly. They want to splay out.

TORRES: Yeah.

COULTON: When do we get to sleep?

TORRES: When do we get to sleep?

COULTON: This is your last clue.

TORRES: OK.

COULTON: The party has arrived. Let's get in the hot tub. I brought wine and goats for all. The producers are going to have to blur out my butt crack.

TORRES: That must be Dionysus?

COULTON: It is. That's right.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

TORRES: Right.

EISENBERG: Julio, you did great.

TORRES: Thank you.

EISENBERG: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: The entire first season of "Los Espookys" and your comedy special, "My Favorite Shapes" are both available on HBO. Give it up one more time for Julio Torres.

TORRES: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.