Broadway Brands

Feb 5, 2021

Kulap Vilaysack and SuChin Pak (Add to Cart podcast) work together in a music parody game that changes the lyrics to popular showtunes to be about brands.

Heard on Keegan-Michael Key: Key & Peele & Penguins & Shakespeare

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

We're playing games with Kulap Vilaysack and SuChin Pak. Are you ready for another game?

KULAP VILAYSACK: Yes, please.

EISENBERG: OK. All right. So this next one is tough, OK? So you're going to work together because 'cause it requires a lot. Since you host a podcast about buying stuff, we have a game about shameless commerce and musical theater. And we call it Broadway Brands.

VILAYSACK: Oh.

JONATHAN COULTON: So I will perform a Broadway show tune, but with the lyrics changed to be about a brand. For example, if I sang "Fugue For Tinhorns" from the musical "Guys And Dolls" but with the lyrics changed to be about burgers and peanuts from Five Guys, you would answer Five Guys And Dolls.

VILAYSACK: OK.

SUCHIN PAK: Oh, God.

EISENBERG: Yes.

VILAYSACK: Yeah.

COULTON: Deep breath.

VILAYSACK: Oh, leaning in.

COULTON: Leaning in - here we go.

(Singing) Lawn a garden much to my chagrin need to rent equipment before I can begin 'cause I'm dig, dig, digging in the grass. I'm landscaping the hillside. And the trusty riding mower makes a rugged sound as I cross the lawn, making circles on the ground 'cause I'm cut, cut, cutting all the grass. I'm riding this green tractor, whoa, oh.

VILAYSACK: OK, I've got it. SuChin, do you - I - do you want - do you have ideas?

PAK: I have not even - I don't even know one piece of that answer.

(LAUGHTER)

VILAYSACK: It is John Deere Evan Hansen.

COULTON: Yeah, that's correct.

EISENBERG: Yes.

PAK: Oh.

VILAYSACK: Yay.

COULTON: You got it, John Deere, and that was "Waving Through A Window" from "Dear Evan Hansen."

VILAYSACK: Yes.

COULTON: Well done.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

PAK: Oh, wow.

EISENBERG: Finally, a musical for tractor enthusiasts.

VILAYSACK: (Laughter).

PAK: Have you seen that musical? I know - I - you know what?

VILAYSACK: Yeah.

PAK: I don't think I've ever - I'm trying to think if I've ever seen a Broadway musical.

EISENBERG: Ever, ever?

COULTON: I was going to ask if you guys are musical theater fans or not.

VILAYSACK: I am, and I saw this on Broadway. And at the end of it, the entire audience had been crying so much that we were all shocked when the lights came up.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: Yeah, yeah.

VILAYSACK: We were just like, we have to see each other? We have to...

EISENBERG: Too soon - it was too soon.

COULTON: Yeah. There was - when I saw that show, there was a woman behind me who was audibly sobbing, like choking sobs, through most of the second act.

VILAYSACK: Wow.

EISENBERG: That was me.

COULTON: And it was like...

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: ...And I felt bad because it was - at the same time, I was like, wow, she's having a real, legit theater experience. That's amazing. But I was also like, can you please quiet down? (Laughter)

VILAYSACK: A little - I'm trying to listen.

PAK: I know.

EISENBERG: It is weird that we go to a musical together, Jonathan, you sit in front of me and then talk about me like this.

COULTON: And I don't look at you when you're crying.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Yeah. No, that's how...

EISENBERG: Yeah, so...

COULTON: OK. Here's the next one.

(Singing) Mama, I'm dirty. Mama, please bathe me. Hand me that bar of soap that smells, oh, so fresh, might be from Dublin, made by Palmolive. They say it's manly, but I like it, too.

VILAYSACK: Irish Spring Awakening.

COULTON: Yeah, you got it. That's right.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

VILAYSACK: I don't know "Spring Awakening," but I was just thinking of different...

COULTON: Yeah, that is exactly how it's done. The name of that song is "Mama Who Bore Me."

PAK: And then what is "Spring Awakening" about?

VILAYSACK: Isn't it about people having sex, no? I don't know.

EISENBERG: I didn't see that one.

PAK: (Laughter) Who talks like that?

COULTON: It's a coming-of-age...

VILAYSACK: Ah.

COULTON: ...We say a coming-of-age story in (unintelligible).

VILAYSACK: Oh, OK. All right.

EISENBERG: And just like the commercial for Irish Spring, they go...

PAK: Yes.

EISENBERG: ...And I like it, too.

VILAYSACK: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Like, that's what the woman says.

COULTON: And I like it, too.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: All right, here's another one.

VILAYSACK: OK.

COULTON: (Singing) There's so much they make for us to snack on - Cracker Jacks, Doritos and Tostitos. I can't stop. For that, no one would fault me. I pound a bag, and then I'm very thirsty 'cause they're salty.

PAK: OK, Les Miserables. I love that musical so much that I was starting to sing the real lyrics in my head, which is not good for the game.

(LAUGHTER)

PAK: And something about a snack that's salty.

COULTON: Snacks, snack chips.

PAK: So...

COULTON: Doritos, Tostitos, Cracker Jacks.

PAK: ...Frito Lay Miserables.

EISENBERG: Yes.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

VILAYSACK: Aw, SuChin Pak.

EISENBERG: That's it. That is it.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: All right. This is the last one.

PAK: OK.

COULTON: (Singing) Dunk this cookie in some milk, what a crunchy chocolate dream. You can subdivide. Eat what's inside. Though it's tasty, it isn't really cream.

PAK: Oreos.

VILAYSACK: Oreo.

COULTON: (Singing) Oreo.

VILAYSACK: (Singing) Ba, da, da, da, da, da, da. This is an old musical.

PAK: Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

VILAYSACK: No, is it an older musical? Is it like a Western-y (ph) type of musical? And - oh, my God, we had this record.

VILAYSACK: "Oklahoma!".

PAK: Okla (ph) - yes.

COULTON: "Oklahoma!". Oreoklahoma (ph) is correct.

PAK: "Oklahoma!", yes.

EISENBERG: OK, OK. I will say that once again - 100%. What can I say? One hundred percent.

VILAYSACK: I guess...

COULTON: Yeah. You guys - collectively, you got everything right.

EISENBERG: Everything.

VILAYSACK: All right. So I accept this win. I'm just then - now my question is, are we better than other guests?

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I'm going to say, like, top two.

VILAYSACK: Woo-hoo.

COULTON: Top two, easily top two. Yeah, for sure.

EISENBERG: Top two, yep.

PAK: And then who is top one? Just kidding. Don't answer that question.

EISENBERG: You know what? They haven't arrived yet, but I always like to leave a possibility.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Leave a space open.

VILAYSACK: Oh, that's smart.

PAK: Just the hope that this show brings, you know?

EISENBERG: Kulap Vilaysack and SuChin Pak co-host the podcast "Add To Cart." Thank you so much for joining us.

VILAYSACK: This was so fun. Thank you.

PAK: Thank you, guys. Thank you so much.

EISENBERG: Up next, from the amazing "Key And Peele," Keegan-Michael Key. He'll join us for a segment that starts with fart jokes and ends with Shakespeare. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and this is ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.