I recently visited with a young woman who sheepishly apologized that she was pulling her child out of one program in order to send him to another. His cousins attend the other program, she explained, and his aunt and uncle can provide transportation.
I assured her I thought that was a great choice, regretting her feeling the need to apologize. She reminded me once again of something I already know: Parents usually have good reasons for the choices they make
One family knows their child is medically fragile and decides one parent will stay home while their baby is young in order to keep her away from exposure to bugs. Another parent chooses to hire an outstanding child care center to give love to her baby while she continues working.
One family chooses a school close to home because they like the idea of their children being able to walk there each day. The next door neighbor chooses a school across town for the outstanding curriculum it offers.
One family caters to their children’s food choices, preferring peaceful mealtimes over expanding their kids’ palates. Another family is determined to teach children to eat what’s served, saving Mom or Dad from being short-order cooks.
Parents’ choices reflect their deeply held, thoughtful beliefs. Generally, the decisions parents make grow out of their own experiences, their knowledge of their children’s needs, and their hopes and dreams for their families. They rarely make decisions based on advice from other people unless it confirms what they already wanted to do.
In truth, many different choices lead to the healthy upbringing of children. Any number of parenting paths may lead a child to grow up to land in the Senate or in a prison cell. There are very few “wrong” decisions made by loving parents who are dedicated to raising their children.
The problem arises when we assume we know more about their families’ needs than they do. We question their choices without understanding their motivation, causing them to feel resentful of our judgment.
When we consider other parents’ decisions, it helps to remember that they know their children better than we do. And that, above all, they want to do what they think is best for them—with no apology necessary.
