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Equity is our race, culture, ethnicity, and identity blog. The blog focuses on coverage important to Illinois and its improvement. Evidence of performance of public policies and their impact will be reported and analyzed. We encourage you to engage in commenting and discussing the coverage of equity and diversity:Maureen Foertsch McKinney and Rachel Otwell curate this blog that will provide follow-up to full-length stories, links to other reports of interest, statistics, and conversations with you about the issues and stories.

Transforming A Personal History Of Racism

The holidays can bring out the compassionate side of people. Some might be inspired to donate to charities or take on volunteer work. For one local man, helping the less fortunate is something he does on a daily basis. But it wasn't always that way.

"When I was being taught racism I thought nothing of it - I thought that was the right thing, to hate others who weren't like me." -Jim Pauley

 52 year old Jim Pauley has spent most of his life as a self-admitted racist. He grew up in poverty in rural Sangamon County, near Auburn. For him, bigotry was a family affair. “My parents were extremely racist, my grandparents were extremely racist … When I was being taught racism I thought nothing of it - I thought that was the right thing, to hate others who weren't like me,” admits Pauley.

Pauley says his young life was also full of drugs and violence and he was in and out of jail. Through it all, the racism was a constant: “Mine was extreme - to the point where I had attended (Ku Klux) Klan rallies here in Springfield. I wasn't a member of the Klan but I would attend the meetings when they'd hold them at the state capitol.”

It was something he taught his three daughters. He says, “I would have to circle the restaurant to make sure there were no black people in the restaurants.” He says he didn’t allow his children to be around black people whenever he could control it.

Over at the modest 2 bedroom apartment that she shares with her husband Jim, Debbie Pauley is preparing meals for a homeless shelter. “I've always loved to bake and cook and it feels good to be able to give these clients a home-cooked meal that they don't get, because they're out on the streets trying to figure out where they're going to live,” said Debbie.

By the time Debbie started dating Jim 5 years ago, he had already changed. Gone was the hateful man. He says a trip was the turning point. He gave into persuasion from members of a Sherman church and agreed to drive a truck full of food and clothing for the needy to Tennessee.

“The majority of the people in Nashville where I started at were black - and to go down the line of people who were there to feed - I had to interact with them, and I found out they're just human beings ... Within that first hour, I was a broken man. I was back in the van, laying on the floor crying my eyes out. I had never been exposed to anything like that. And I've never been the same, from that point on,” explains Pauley.

Pauley started organizing his own trips - taking friends and family to inner cities to help the homeless. I caught up with a woman who was previously living on the street. She didn't want me to use her name. But she says Pauley helped her move, paying for a bus ticket to New Mexico. She says Pauley took the time to really get to know her, and serve as a mentor. “Basically we got to talking because I was mad, angry and fed up, wanting to get somewhere in life. He was about the only one who was willing to listen to what I had to say,” she told me.

Pauley and his wife have teamed up with Contact Ministries in Springfield, a faith-based shelter that houses single women and their children. They prepare many meals for the residents. Now, one bedroom in their apartment contains donated food, like canned beans and bread. They also have deep freezers full of donated meat. They eventually want to start their own shelter to help others.

"I think (compassion has) always been a side of me, but I didn't want to let it out - the only way I can rationalize it is that I thought it was a sign of weakness to love others." -Jim Pauley

So how does someone change so dramatically? Jim Pauley credits God. And he believes his sense of compassion was something he was born with, but: “Through the ugliness of racism and violence - drugs, alcohol - I hid that. I think it's always been a side of me, but I didn't want to let it out - the only way I can rationalize it is that I thought it was a sign of weakness to love others,” he says.

Now, Pauley says it's those who need the most that he wants to spend his free time with: “Some of these people can't help themselves, they can't help their mental illness and they can't help their addictions - it doesn't make them bad people. Behind a lot of these alcoholics, behind a lot of these mentally ill people are some very amazing lovable people,” he says. Jim Pauley's become adept at looking deep within a person for the positive, and he started with himself.

Rachel Otwell of the Illinois Times is a former NPR Illinois reporter.
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