Limericks

19 hours ago
Originally published on January 12, 2019 2:30 pm
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

DOUG MOORE: My name is Doug Moore. I'm in San Diego, Calif.

SAGAL: Hey, San Diego.

MOORE: Yeah.

SAGAL: What should we know - I just said we're just going there in a couple months. What should we know about San Diego these days?

MOORE: I don't know. I always just hang out at the drop zone.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Are you a skydiver?

SAGAL: Oh, you hang out at the drop zone?

MOORE: Yeah, I work there. And yeah, I'm a skydiver.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, cool. I used to skydive.

MOORE: Really?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, yeah.

MOORE: You get your air license?

POUNDSTONE: No, I did 12 dives. I mean...

MOORE: Oh, cool.

POUNDSTONE: I was good enough that here I am.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

MOORE: That's true.

SAGAL: Do you do this professionally then?

MOORE: Yeah, I rig parachutes professionally. I just skydive for fun.

POUNDSTONE: You don't want a hobbyist parachute rigger.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, no. Doug, welcome to the show. Chioke I'Anson, right here, is making his debut as a professional limerick reciter. He's going to recite for you three limericks, but he's not going to say the last word. That's up to you. Each limerick is about an item from the week's news. Complete the limerick two times out of three, you'll win our prize. You ready to play?

MOORE: Sure.

SAGAL: All right, here's your first limerick.

CHIOKE I'ANSON: My helmet, I don't really like. But for spandex and foot clips, I'm psyched. And my soul is aflame for that ultra light frame. I am deeply in love with my...

MOORE: Bike.

SAGAL: Yes, bike.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Research out this week says cyclists have an emotional connection to their bikes, forming bonds akin to that of a spouse or a child. They give their bikes names, they nurture them, they kiss them - I mean, they fix them, they fix their bicycles.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Researchers say the bond is formed through shared experiences. The bike is such a huge part of your daily routine. You start to think of it as a friend instead of a means of transportation. It's kind of a strange friendship. Hey, I'm going to bar, do you mind standing outside for seven hours?

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: I had a Huffy Sweet Thunder that was a hand-me-down that I think I had caught feelings for.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: I was 12 or 13.

POUNDSTONE: I think - I could see someone - a guy having feelings for a Huffy Sweet Thunder.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: It was a hand-me-down from like one - some extended family member. It was pink. It had flowers on it. It was not technically at that time a guy's bike.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, Huffy Sweet Thunder.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Didn't Trump pay her off?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

I'ANSON: Even French diners find it too crude to have bare breasts and thighs with their food. It was au natural, but the meals didn't sell. So they'll no longer eat in the...

MOORE: Nude.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Parisian restaurant O'Naturel is closing its doors after launching as France's premiere nude restaurant in 2017. They just couldn't get enough butts in the seats.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In addition to a lack of customers, the restaurant couldn't keep up with its costly hairnut (ph) expenses. All the cooks needed two.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Did you intentionally say hairnut?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I did not.

BURBANK: At no point in the experience does this sound like a good idea.

SAGAL: No.

BURBANK: Like, just the injuries from gravy.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Yes.

BURBANK: It's dangerous.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, there's a lot of safety issues there.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

BURBANK: Yeah, boy, when you drop your knife, you jump back.

SAGAL: It's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

I'ANSON: The bluefin came in on a schoo- na (ph), brought down by a gold-toothed harpoo-na (ph). Its rare taste is why the price is so high. I bid 3 million bucks on a...

MOORE: $4.4 million tuna.

SAGAL: Whoa, you knew the actual amount.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have a difference of opinion. A man in Japan bought a 613 pound bluefin tuna for, we thought, $3 million. You're saying it was more than that?

MOORE: That's the headline I saw.

BURBANK: Did you but it, Doug?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: People who wondered what the man was planning to do with the tuna got their answer when he bought five cases of cream of mushroom soup.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tuna hot dish, baby.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Chioke, how did Doug do?

I'ANSON: Doug got three out of three. He is a winner.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations. Congratulations.

MOORE: My wife is going to be very mad with me if I don't ask a favor, Peter.

SAGAL: Sure, what is it?

MOORE: Can I give a shout out to her and everybody her work. Apparently, everybody in her shop listens to your show.

SAGAL: Well, tell me - what is the shop?

MOORE: It's the Raytheon SeaRAM shop in Bagram, Afghanistan.

SAGAL: Whoa.

BURBANK: Oh, man.

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: Bagram, well, go ahead. Say hello to everybody.

MOORE: All right, hey, all of you guys contracting over there at the 401st AFBSn in Bagram, Afghanistan, hey, how's it going?

(LAUGHTER)

MOORE: I made it on the radio.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Doug, thank you so much for playing.

MOORE: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.