A mom friend wrestled with the question of how much support she should provide her 14 year-old son.
His heart was set on playing football, which meant early morning practices before school. But he stays up late watching TV and playing video games until she nags him to get to sleep. Each morning, she was dragging him out of bed with lots of lectures and threats.
Recently, she told him, "This stops. Stay up as late as you want, but I’m no longer waking you for practice. Set your alarm. If you fail to set your alarm or if you snooze through it, YOU will email your coach to explain why you missed practice."
Of course on the first morning of the new plan, he was not up, but was instead still sleeping. Soundly. She went to the kitchen to drink coffee and read the paper. Precisely two minutes before the drop-dead time they needed to leave for even a chance to get there on time, the hapless fellow exploded into the kitchen, "Mom! You've got to trust me. I set my alarm!"
He hopped on one foot while putting a football cleat on the other. "I promise you. I set my alarm. I don't know what happened. Oh, man!" Calmly she replied, "I'm ready to leave when you are. See you in the car."
No lecture. No angry exchange. Just a kid whose mom finally turned the situation on its head. Like other parents she learned the truth that the hardest job we face is letting our kids fail, especially when we have the power to step in.
But she chose just the right time to hand the accountability for his actions back to her son. It’s a decision every parent has to make at some point, hoping that the lesson will land home just at the time the child is ready to learn it.
As for me, I can't help but wonder how appealing video games are going to be for that guy at 10:30 p.m. when he knows his alarm will be going off at daybreak. Assuming, of course, that he remembers to set it.